you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
