My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize