how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
