I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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