I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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