The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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