apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
