I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
