u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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