I CAN MOONWALK!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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