I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
