Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
