Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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