I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
