Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
