I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
