She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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