i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
