my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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