But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
