phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
sex in a hospital.. check
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
