She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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