were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
