Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
