i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
