just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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