I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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