I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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