you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
