she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
