But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
