Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
