I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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