You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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