My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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