I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
