I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
