rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
