I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
