really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
