I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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