he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
