Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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