Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
