dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
