I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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