She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
