I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
