Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The power of my boobs compel you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
