and you said cock pushups were impossible
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
