Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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