just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
