shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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