My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
