Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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