And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
