Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize