I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
