Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
