My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
