so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
