Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
