I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
