I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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