My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
