he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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