I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
