It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
