Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
