when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
