"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
