please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
