My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
